Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein tells a story of a man who one day saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, so he followed her to find out where she lived. The next morning, he waited outside of her door very early in the morning so she would see him. She did and said “Good morning” to him. He was so excited that she noticed him. That afternoon, he went by her house again and waited with flowers. She was pleasantly surprised to see the man again and invited him inside for dinner. The man’s mind was going crazy. After dinner was over, the woman invited the man to come over again the next night. As you can probably imagine, the man immediately said “yes”. The next night was another beautiful dinner. As the woman was cleaning up the dirty dishes, the man noticed a mark on the woman’s hand. The woman saw him staring at it and said, “I have those types of marks all over my body. I have a lethal disease that is highly contagious, but that should not matter. I saw the way you have been following me and watching me. I know you are in love with me.” The man began screaming and ran out of the house faster than the winning horse at the Kentucky Derby.

This week’s parsha begins with an explanation of the Yefas To’ar. When a Jewish soldier finds a beautiful woman in a city the army has conquerred and he has a desire to marry her, the laws of Yefas To’ar come into effect. She must shave her head, let her nails grow long, and sit in the man’s house for 30 days to mourn for her parents. The man is to see her at her ugliest times. If he still has a desire for her, then he may marry her. The reason for these laws is because the desire a man has for women, especially a soldier that has been fighting in war, is very strong and hard to overcome. Therefore, G-d made an allowance for a man to marry this woman, but he first needs to follow a few rules. These laws were made so the man would not only look at the woman’s external beauty, but would also see beneath the surface. Once he notices how ugly she is, his desires will become less.

So many things in our generation look beautiful, but if we look past all of the ‘bells and whistles’, we will find many of these things are nothing special. Unfortunately, we focus much effort on external features but forget to look at the most important part, which is the internal. People run after cars that look shiny on the outside, but do not run when the key is put in the ignition. On the other hand, few people buy a beat-up car, even though it will be more reliable than the shiny car. The wise person learns the lesson of the Yefas To’ar and looks deeper than the pretty looks. As the old saying goes “you can’t judge a book by its cover.”

Good Shabbos!
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