Suggesting a Relationsip

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We have seen that it is forbidden to attempt to involve someone in a situatuion that the person would not want, would he be aware of certain facts.

If an acquaintance is seeking a person with years of experience with whom to start a business, one may not recommend someone who appears to be experienced but, in fact, is not – unless the acquaintance is told this. This holds true even if the person possesses natural talent which seems to compensate for his lack of experience.

Often, people feel that they know what their friend is “really looking for” far better than the friend himself does, and feel justified in deceiving the friend by providing inaccurate information about a perspective shidduch or employee, with the aim of seeing the shidduch or hiring realized.

It is presumptuous and arrogant for one to think that he has the right to make others’ life decisions for them.

Furthermore, it should be understood that the human personality is complex. Logically, one may seem to have found the perfect match for his friend. Nevertheless, if one’s friend has developed an attitude – irrational though it may be – that he or she will only marry someone who meets a particular specification, hiding the truth about a prospective mate could have lifelong repercussions.

Upon discovering the truth after the wedding, the person might spend the rest of his married life feeling that he settled for second best. Even if he was told the truth right before the wedding and nevertheless went through with it, feelings of disappointment might surface later.

Such practices, though well intended, constitute giving bad advice and are in violation of “Before a blind person do not place a stumbling block”.

Sefer Chofetz Chaim, 23 Kislev, Page 214 and 408/409

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