When a man marries a new wife, he shall not go out to the army, nor shall it obligate him for any matter; he shall be free for his home for one year, and he shall gladden his wife whom he has married (Devarim 24:5)

I recently moved into a new house in a new neighborhood. It is difficult to find houses in this particular neighborhood and the only one we found in our price range that would fit our needs included a pool. All was going well with my pool for the first few weeks. I would put in chlorine and other chemicals and it was a nice, blue color. This past week, though, I didn’t put in chlorine and didn’t properly run the filter for a few days. Well, the pool turned green. I started walking around the house saying, “I hate this pool. I never wanted this pool. I wish we had a house without a pool. Originally I thought the pool would be great but it’s nothing but a headache. I hate this thing.” When I thought about it, though, the reason I hated the pool was my own fault. I didn’t properly care for the pool so the pool turned a color which no longer allowed us to enjoy it.

Rav Pam says the same is with marriage. A boy hears many great things about a certain girl and decides to marry her. After marriage, the woman turns out not to be what he expected. She doesn’t give him the honor and respect that he expected to receive. Why? Rav Pam answers that it is usually not the girl’s fault. The reason is because the boy does not love and respect his wife. He doesn’t treat her properly, so she does not treat him properly. It is his own fault. If he cared for her properly then she would be the girl with all of the great traits that he heard about when they were dating.

Marriage is just like a pool. If you care for each other properly, it is great, but if you don’t, it turns ugly colors very quickly.

I just want to conclude with one final note on a different topic, but it is about pools. The first thing we did when we moved to our new house was put up a pool fence. The Rav of community came by our house after we moved in and said it is a Torah obligation to put up a pool fence and brought proof from a Rambam commenting on a verse in this week’s parsha. It states that you should put a fence around a flat roof that people normally walk on. This is for safety. The Rambam says that if you have a pit of water (i.e. pool), you are required to put a fence around it for the same reason: safety.

Good Shabbos!
-yes
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