14 And Moshe sent messengers from Kadesh to the King of Edom

17 Let us please pass through your land; we will not pass through any field or vineyard.  Neither will we drink of the water of the wells.   We will go along the King’s highway. We will not turn aside to the right hand nor to the left, until we have passed your border.

18 And the King of Edom said to Moshe: ‘You shall not pass through my land, because I may come out with the sword against you.

רביי אליהו דסלר

The King of Edom got a message from Moshe Rabaynu that they wanted to cross through his land to the land of Israel. Moshe promised to the King that they would cross quietly and will not cause any damage.

The King Edom answered back to Moshe that they may not cross his land because he might “פן” attack them by sword.

What this says does not make sense. The King of Edom says I might   “פן” attack you? What does this mean?

The Torah teaches us a very unique concept in friendship. When someone gives a gift, the person that gives starts to like the person he gave gifts to.

The more you give, the more and more you will like the person you are giving to even if that person does not like you.

When the receiver of gifts stops giving there is no more reason to pretend. There are no more incentives to pretend.

The King of Edom was eager to wage war against B’nai Israel and wanted to take all their gold and silver and their women. He knew that once you give a gift you start liking the person. He felt that his heart may soften if he gave them the gift of passing through. Therefore, he told Moshe no. If I give in and let you pass through, I may get to like you and that will ruin my plans for going to war against you.

Love comes from giving not taking.

By Rabbi Yamin Goldsmith