I would like to thank Dr. Eddie Zemel for his help on researching information for this week’s Divrei Simcha.

In the Mishnayos Bava Basra, it explains the laws of a “folded get”. Jewish documents were usually written on flat sheets of paper, but certain times, the Sages required it to be folded. According to most opinions, the folded document was to be done as follows: a line or a few lines were written and then the document would be folded and sewn. Then a few more lines would be written, folded again and sewn. This would continue until the document was completely folded and sewn. Of course, this would take a lot longer to complete than a normal document which was just written on a flat sheet of paper. The Gemara explains the main reason this was ordained was for a “get”, Jewish divorce document, for a Cohain wanting to divorce his wife. This is because Cohanim are known to be hot-tempered by nature and, as we learn in this week’s parsha, a Cohain is not allowed to marry a divorced woman (even if he was the one that divorced her). Non-Cohanim can re-marry their divorced wives (as long as she has not married anyone else in between), but the Cohain cannot do this. Once his wife is divorced from him, he may never marry her again. These folds give the Cohain extra time and an extra reminder to think if he really wants to go through with the divorce.

Why do people get divorced? I once heard a Rabi state the main reason is because of arguments over what the thermostat should be set at or over which side the toothpaste container should be squeezed from. I laughed when I heard this, but then after thinking about it, I wanted to cry. Unfortunately, this is the truth. Husbands and wives fight over the small, insignificant things, but these small arguments bring about wrestling matches. Once one of the partners is too cold due to the air conditioner setting and refuses to put on a sweater, suddenly, he or she will no longer be able to look at the other partner the same way again. Everything negative about the other person will come to the front of the person’s mind and he or she will no longer feel the same way over the other person. It is so sad how many people are walking around today either without a spouse or on a second, third, or even fourth marriage because something small started many negative emotions.

Therefore, I have the following suggestion. Before a person explodes, one must think, what will this mean in 100 years. Is this really something extremely important that the whole world depends upon or is this something that in a few days will mean nothing. If the thermostat is set two degrees colder, will that change the way the world is in 100 years from now? Unless someone has a critical illness, most likely it will mean nothing. So is it really worth getting so upset over it?

But if a person screams about it in a rage and it leads to a divorce, it most certainly will affect what will happen in 100 years. His children will be brought up in a home of disharmony and will live extremely difficult lives. This behavior will affect the way they behave and will probably have an extremely negative outcome in 100 years from now. On the other hand, if a person realizes these little disturbances mean nothing and will not majorly affect the future, a person will live a much happier and healthier life. And probably in 100 years, his children will have a much more positive outlook and much more happiness.

So when the divorce papers are getting folded, a person should really think: do I really want to go through with this. Because once that paper is placed in the woman’s hands, there is no turning back.

Good Shabbos!
-yes
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