Our Sages of blessed memory state four people wrongly requested for things, but despite their incorrect way of asking for something, three of them were answered kindly by Hashem. The four people are Eliezer, Calev, Shaul, and Yiftach. Eliezer, in this week’s parsha, asks G-d for a wife for Yitzchak by stating, “Let the wife of Yitzchak be the girl that I say ‘please give me some water’ and she says ‘I’ll give you some water and I will also give water to your camels.'”(Bereshis 24:14) The girl might have been an evil woman, but Hashem was kind and sent Rivka to fulfill this statement. In Sefer Shoftim (The book of Judges) 1:12, Calev stated that the man that captures Kiryas Sefer will be given his daughter, Achsah, as a wife. A terrible man could have defeated the city, but luckily, G-d let Osniel (a tzaddik) capture Kiryas Sefer. In the 17th chapter of Shmuel I, we learn that Shaul stated “the man that defeats Golias will get his daughter as a wife.” The person to beat Golias might not have been a worthy person, but the great Dovid HaMelech killed Golias. In the 11th chapter of Sefer Shoftim, Yiftach stated “if I defeat the children of Ammon, I will offer up whatever comes forth from my house as an offering.” Yiftach returned from the battle successfully and his daughter came running out of the house towards him (uh oh! not good news!). In the end, the commentators disagree if he actually offered her up or made her run away and go into hiding. Either way, Yiftach made a request but it was not answered.

Rav Yissochar Frand from Ner Yisroel in Baltimore asks why three were answered with what they wanted and why Yiftach did not get the result he desired. Rav Frand states the reason is because the three that got what they wanted were asking about marriage partners, while Yiftach was asking for success in a battle. The reason those requesting marriage partners got the results they wanted is because marriages are nowadays the one time when we clearly see the hand of G-d working. Therefore, even if someone requests a marriage partner the wrong way, they are answered. There’s a famous Midrash that asks what G-d has been doing the past few thousand years since Creation. The Midrash answers that He has been setting up marriages. Of course, we could not survive for even a millisecond if G-d was not involved with every little detail of the world every moment. But the Midrash is trying to teach us a lesson: the one place where we can clearly see the Hand of G-d is in marriages.

Every person has a story of how they found their spouse and if a person does not have a story, then they have not thought about it enough. A few years ago, I thought of the events in my life that happened before my wife and I met each other. I started writing them down and came up with a 15 page story how one event led to another and every event needed to happen or else I would not have wanted to date my wife. The story started almost a full year before my wife and I started dating! Everyone has a story and every story is clear that G-d made the events happen in such a way so that the husband and wife would meet each other and fall in love at that exact moment. G-d sets up every marriage.

This is an extremely important idea to constantly remind ourselves, especially in this generation. As we know, over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, and some stats say as much as 66% of current marriages end in divorce. If we want to lower the amount of divorces, I think we need to remember this lesson: G-d sets up all marriages. The next time, you get into an argument with your spouse, remember, G-d is the One that brought you together, and He does know what He is doing.

Good Shabbos!
-yes
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