Many years ago during the time of the Gemara, there was a man named Eliezer ben Durdaya. This man was one of the lowest people that ever lived as he committed sin after sin. One day, he heard there was a woman in a far away land that he could commit a sin with and traveled for days to meet with this woman. The woman, who was also a sinner, took one look at Eliezer ben Durdaya and said to him that he had sunk so low that he “would not merit the World to Come.” Eliezer was shocked when he heard these words. He never realized how bad of a person he was. He decided not to commit a sin with the woman and ran away to the mountains. He looked around and began blaming the mountains, the sun, the moon, and the stars for his behavior. The commentators point out that this is a metaphor and he was really blaming his parents and his environment. They all responded to him that it was not their fault that he was a sinner. Finally, Eliezer came to the one true conclusion “Ain HaDavar Telu’i Eleh Bi” – the thing is MY fault. Eliezer realized that the only reason he had become a sinner was his own fault. He couldn’t blame anyone else.

Eliezer sat with his face between his legs and began crying. He cried and cried over the terrible sins he had committed that were all his fault. He cried so much that he died. A voice from Heaven came after he died and announced that Rabbi Eliezer ben Durdaya was accepted into the World to Come. Rav Chaim Friedlander points out that Eliezer had now become a Rabbi! One of the biggest sinners that ever lived is called a Rabbi. How can that be? The answer is because he taught us the essential quality in doing tshuvah (repentance): realizing that our sins are our own fault. There is no one to blame but yourself.

The Gemara notes that an ax blade has no power unless it is connected to the wooden handle. The only reason a tree can be cut down is because of wood from a tree. The same is true for humans. The only one that can knock us down is ourselves. We might want to blame others for our behavior, but we must realize that it is not their fault.

Many people get very upset if another car cuts them off, but almost no one gets upset if an ambulance cuts them off. We choose the way we react. It is not the other car’s fault that you got upset or else you would get upset at the ambulance also. It was not a nice thing to do, but it is only because of the way “we reacted” that we get upset. We are in control of lives. Things may happen that are out of our control, but we are not held reliable for them. We are only held reliable for our own actions and reactions to events around us.

This Yom Kippur, let’s try to stop blaming others for the problems we have. We can’t change what others can do. We can change ourselves though. Let’s take steps towards improving the way we are and try to avoid finger pointing and blaming. Let’s learn from the great Rabbi – Rabbi Eliezer ben Durdaya – how to do Tshuvah.

Gmar V’chasima Tova!
-yes
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