Can I tell my chosson (or husband after we are married) about how I am having a hard time dealing with my mother, or any member of my family, in order to get support, just vent, and get eitzos. IIt helps me a lot, and I try to stress that I love whomever i am talking about.

Dear Friend, this is not a simple question, it’s a very sensitive one.
In my humble opinion you should “first” let your chosson bond with your Mom and the rest of the family members. The last thing you want to do is create a negative bond, or a negative feeling G-d forbid between them.
Give them a chance to BOND and help create a nice solid relationship first. Remember your first impression about someone is the most important one, because that is the one that will stay with them for a long long time. The last thing you want to do is G-d forbid be the cause of giving your chosson a bed impression about your Mom or any other member of your family.

You may fight with them today, but tomorrow it could be all forgotten, simply because YOU already have a relation ship with them.

On the other hand, you most certainly should be able to share some of your deepest feelings with HIM, after all he is your “bashert” your partner for life. If he is a “Mentch” then he will be a good listener, he will be an understanding husband, a caring husband and most of all assertive and sensitive to all your needs. (the same apply to you) but first give them a chance to Bond.

Family are very important in any mirage, especially Mothers Fathers, Brothers & Sisters, etc…you are both going to share them in many wonderful occasion, Shabbos, Holiday, Family get together, & Smachot of all kind. You want this times and all times to be happy, and to be peaceful for everyone. Most of all you don’t want to turn him against them by any means. It could happen if one is not careful. Once you create a Bond between them it will be safe, and easy, he will then be able to deal with the issues on a different light and with out jeopardizing the family relationship for the long term.

Another very important concern G-d forbid is that this may cause loshon hora.

What I suggest, for the time been, or till its safe! Share your feelings with a close and good friend (make sure you can trust them as far as gossip is concern) or even consult with a professional to keep your choosen and your marriage healthy, mining full, and everlasting.

May you build a Bait Nahaman B’Yarushlim.

Thank You
Shana Tova

simcha

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